Sunday, February 15, 2009

The Mane Complaint

A note to school on the occasion of bribing my eldest daughter to have someone who knows what they are doing fix the hack job I did on her hair when we had lice.  That's right, I have 6 kids with lice and 57 loads of laundry to take care of and my greatest concern in the whole wide world is: how to get this kid to let me get someone to make her look pretty.  She drives a hard bargain, what can I say.  She turned down a manicure and trip to Chuck E. Cheese.  After an hour, she finally decided that it was time for her to have the upper hand and get out of drama class once and for all.  I happily complied - besides this was free.

Dear Miss Fast,

In order to get Catherine to agree to have her hair styled by a professional, I agreed to write you this note listing her completely reasonable demands.

First of all, Catherine would like to be excused from drama class for the rest of eternity. We feel that she has mastered the art of drama and is quite dramatic enough already. Now, if you have a drama lessening program, we would definitely be interested in that. If Catherine gets to skip drama, she can focus her impressive complaining skills more keenly on other important issues such as excessive homework, yucky lunches, and icky boys.

Which leads nicely to her next request, she would like to sit in the corner all by herself because she just hates people in general, some more than others, of course, but decorum prevents me from listing their names (plus I just quit listening after the first 5 because they all blur together, and I can't keep them straight). She would especially like to avoid contact with all boys, and as her mother, I would like to encourage that sentiment for the next 15 years or so.

I made no promises about how these requests would be handled. That is entirely up to you. I only promised to write them down.

Thank you so much,


So Catherine proudly presented this note to her teacher, who sent me email because she was confused.  Catherine was under the impression that this note was a serious power play by me to get her out of drama.  I just told the teacher to do whatever she thought best.  I had what I wanted - a clean, professional hair cut.   Besides, it would be better if Catherine didn't ruin the performance for the other kids who were enjoying themselves.

It turns out that the drama production consisted of the kids doing the zombie dance from the Michael Jackson Thriller video.  My dislike for all things associated with Michael Jackson  almost  extends to the ABC's.  This drama teacher better be a volunteer.  What girl wants to dance like a zombie?    Eeeeew.   I'm surpised Catherine didn't organize a full scale revolt - but I guess that would have had to involve talking to people. 

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